


Epic Court Battles of History

by triflewordscore



Category: Epic Rap Battles of History (Web Series), 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Comedy, Crossover, Gen, Humor, Rap Battles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-13 02:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7135016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triflewordscore/pseuds/triflewordscore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ace Attorney episodes, as ERB episodes.</p><p>Spoilers for AA trilogy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winston Payne v. Phoenix Wright: The First Turnabout + Turnabout Sisters

**Author's Note:**

> When I realised Season 5 of Epic Rap Battles of History was out, I was inspired to take it to court. I hammered out the first three chapters in one afternoon.
> 
> Feel free to comment. I'd like to know what you think of this. The meter is all over the place...
> 
> ETA: And, whoops, there's another AA/ERB crossover posted days before mine.

**Wright:** Your Honour, the defense is ready!  
Make you hands-down hand down a victory,  
We've got the bench, but this defense's never gonna rest!  
Fresh off the bar, now to ace this test!  
Hail to the Chief, Fey  & Co. represent!

 **Payne** : I bring the Payne!  
Call me Prosecutor Auchi!  
Just quit the game, cause "Win"-ston's the name!  
Make all the rookies tremble in fear,  
Try me, Mr Wrigh, I'll end your career!

 **Wright:** You wanna give me a tutorial?  
No, it's you who's getting schooled!  
Cause I'm Auguste Ro-done with you, I'm not scared!  
Got no time for this in any zone, I think,  
Therefore, you lose...more than your hair!

 **Payne:** AAAAAAAAHH!

 **Mia:** Great job, Phoenix, you got to the truth!  
Found the contradictions, presented the proof!  
Impressive, though you've still got a lot to learn,  
Maybe someday you'll run the firm-

[An offscreen character hits Mia on the head with The Thinker. She dies.]

 **Wright:** No! Chief!

 **Maya:** Sis!

 **Wright:** Who are you?

 **Gumshoe:** She's the murderer, pal!  
Or was it you?

 **Wright:** It wasn't her and it wasn't me!  
I'll find the real killer, you'll see!  
This ineffective detective gives me an objective,  
Now it's my directive  
To show you where the culprit went!  
I believe my client, Maya, is innocent!

 **Edgeworth:** Objection!  
Must the guilty put up a fight?  
If you go against me, I'll cut you down to size!  
Got a perfect record,  
You're a sloppy mixtape!  
About to get beaten by the demon attorney  
Of Japanifornia state!

 **Wright:** Hold it!  
Miss April May, your testimony is screwed!  
And Redd White, more like Redd-handed,  
It must have been you!  
Now if only I could shed some light on that glass stand,  
It's the evidence we need to corner this man!

 **Maya:** I wish I could help!  
Sis, we need you!

 **Mia (channeled):** Almost got him!  
Just need to turn things about!

 **Wright:** Chief! I don't know-

 **Mia (channeled):** Turn that receipt around!

 **Wright:** Whoa, it's a receipt?!  
Take that!

 **Judge:** The defendant is not guilty!

 **Edgeworth:** NNNNNNNNGGGRK!

 **Wright:** How's that, Edgeworth?  
These wrongs just got Wright-ed.


	2. Miles Edgeworth v. Phoenix Wright: Turnabout Samurai

**Wright:** Spit fire like a dragon,  
Burn you like a Phoenix!  
Wright  & Co.!

 **Maya:** We got the flow!

 **Wright:** Defenders of the law,  
Both the letter,

 **Maya:** And the spirit!

 **Edgeworth:** You got lucky once,  
But your luck has run out!  
The defendant is guilty,  
Without a doubt!

 **Wright:** Objection!  
Look at the evidence!  
We need to consider all of the people present then!

 **Edgeworth:** Evidence? Wright, I agree,  
But look who it all points to!  
The defendant will never walk free!  
The prosecution calls upon the-

 **Oldbag:** Wicked witch of the witness stand!  
Stand by Edgey-poo, my man.  
Man with the hedgehog hair? Not a fan!  
Fans sneaking in the studio better scram!

 **Edgeworth:** Witness! Stop, we've all heard enough.  
The point is, defending Mr Powers is tough.  
Your Honour, he's guilty. Defense, give up!

 **Wright:** Guess what we found after more investigation?

 **Maya:** Mafia can't stop us serving up these revelations!

 **Gumshoe:** I saved you, pals!

 **Vasquez:** Oh? What a funny story you've made,  
Turn it into a script, you could get paid.

 **Edgeworth:** Indeed, speaking of scripts,  
Don't you need them to rehearse?  
Unless you knew you wouldn't use one, first?

 **Vasquez:** What's this?!  
The prosecution gives the defense tips?

 **Wright:** That's new to me, too,  
But what matters is this!  
The killer was you!  
Cause you would have been the victim!  
If you didn't manage to switch roles with him!

 **Vasquez:** I admit! I've been found out.  
Can't get out now. It's all gone south.

 **Maya:** Nick, you did it!  
You saved the Steel Samurai!

 **Wright:** Sure did!  
Though it was thanks to that guy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ryuu" in Ryuuichi is the kanji for dragon.


	3. Manfred von Karma v. Phoenix Wright: Turnabout Goodbyes

**Wright:** I should have known that behind  
The demon attorney I'd find  
A prosecutor Satan of a similar kind!

 **von Karma:** The defense impedes justice. What nerve!  
Keeping criminals from getting what they deserve!  
The pathetic attorney makes a grave mistake!  
I do the hard work of a devil's advocate!

 **Wright:** Go home, von Karma. Back to hell!  
I know Edgeworth committed no crime!  
You hunt for evidence...to hide?

 **von Karma:** After this, I'll have you tried!  
The case at hand has the simplest facts,  
I'll end it once and for all, in a snap!  
A gunshot, two men, one survived,  
The gun left on the boat, who fired?  
If he didn't do it, why did he-

 **Wright:** Hold it!  
You present a Lotta evidence,  
But not the crucial pieces!  
This photo, blown up,  
Blows a hole in your thesis!  
The facts of the case are in the wrong hand!  
Your Honour, let the new witness take the stand!

 **Yogi:** Zzzzz...

 **von Karma:** The defense puts the entire court to sleep!  
Nobody cares for your theories, theories are cheap!  
The present case is all the judge needs to hear!  
Miles Edgeworth's name will never be cleared!

 **Wright:** I don't have a taser, but I'll shock you with the truth!  
Could Mr Yogi's parrot make the witness stand her roost?

 **von Karma:** You want to dig your own grave? I'm not shocked.  
You'll soon be thoroughly beaten in this court you mock.  
Fine then, let the parrot speak!  
It serves to prove the defense is weak!

 **Polly:** There once was a dude named Manfred,  
Who in this same courthouse got his ass handed  
To him. By the late great Gregory Edgeworth.  
Made his ego hurt! But not as much as the bullet still in his shoulder!  
The case got colder, he got older, one day he got bolder.  
Made the statute of limitations part of his Christmas celebrations.  
Decided to tie up the last loose end. Helped Yanni Yogi get his revenge!  
A plan with a corpse and a boat, Manfred sent Yogi a note.  
And that note he hid? Was found by these meddling kids!  
Polly wants the truth out with her rhymes so sick,  
Case closed. Don't forget DL-6!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, "advocate" isn't pronounced like "mistake".


	4. Winston Payne v. Phoenix Wright - Round 2: The Lost Turnabout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will do Rise From The Ashes (the real chapter 4, this chapter is supposed to be 5), but since that's going to take much longer, I wrote this first while I was still on a roll and not too busy.

**?:** Hold-  
On a minute,  
What am I doing?

 **Byrde:** Defending me, Mr Wright!  
I've been accused!

 **Wright:** I'm a lawyer, is that right?  
This is news.

 **Byrde:** They say I killed Dustin Prince,  
But I didn't!  
The truth is in the Court Record,  
But it's hidden!

 **Wright:** In the Court Record?  
Hm, let me see,  
Who's this spiky-haired guy?  
Oh, it's me.  
Sorry...Maggey? My head hurts.

 **Byrde:** But I don't want to be a jail-Byrde, or worse!

 **Wright:** Alright, I'll try, this is getting heavy.  
Your Honour, I guess the defense is ready!

 **Payne:** I bring the Payne!  
Call me Prosecutor Auchi!  
Just quit the game, cause-

 **Wright:** Hold it!  
This is déjà vu.  
I've done this before, and I beat you!

 **Payne:** Mr Wrigh, your memory's wrong!  
You lost to me. It didn't take long!

 **Wright:** Well, now, I'm pretty sure I'm Wright,  
Let's hear the witness. Bring on the fight!

 **Wellington:** Plebeian minds like yours can't understand this,  
Dustin Prince bit the dust because of that young miss,  
Byrde? Yes, I saw her do the deed,  
These two eyes provide all the testimony you need!

 **Wright:** Your testimony? It's bananas!  
With the evidence here it seems you had a  
Hand in his death, cause it sure wasn't his!  
Did you see the whole spectacle without your glasses?

 **Wellington:** Of course a genius would suffer these slights.  
The lawyer's not home, though he switched on the lights!  
Should someone such as I, so distinguished,  
Let these false accusations fly unextinguished?

 **Wright:** You tried your best, I'll give you that,  
But the role of defense is to resist attacks!  
Now that I'm back from that little fugue,  
I have an idea to liven up the mood.  
A while ago there was no reception at all,  
Now justice can reach you. Won't you pick up the call?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realise/remember this case was chronologically after Reunion, and Turnabout until I checked AA Wikia.


	5. Franziska von Karma v. Phoenix Wright: Reunion, and Turnabout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this is supposed to be chapter 6, because I haven't written chapter 4 (Rise From The Ashes).

**Wright:** Does Your Honour believe nine tenths of the law is possession?  
If so, maybe my client would give a better impression-

 **von Karma:** Objection!  
Fool, I know all about your Ghost Tricks!  
Can't change channel to get out of this!  
Beat you so fast,  
Give you whiplash!  
Only crack under pressure is the crack of my whip!  
You had it coming, cause this von Karma's a bad bitch!  
[ _crack_ ]

 **Wright:** Ouch!!!  
Von Karma?  
Manfred's daughter?  
I'll fight with all I've got, but I'm sorry about your father-  
  
**von Karma:**  [ _crack_ ] Foolish again, as befits such a fool!  
This isn't for Papa, I'm here to defeat you!  
Photographic evidence! What don't you comprehend?  
Don't need a sixth sense to know this trial's reached its-

 **Wright:** Hold it!  
Not on my watch is Maya getting locked up,  
Not when these testimonies are still Psyche-Locked up!

 **von Karma:** It would be no small lapse to leave that medium at large!  
You think this is your turf? [ _crack_ ] Franziska's in charge!

 **Wright:** If you paid attention perfectly, then you might have seen  
This case isn't so mystical when you look behind the screen!

 **von Karma:**  Tell me, is the circus in town?  
This court jester's better off as a clown!  
That evidence?  
It's irrelevant!  
Now I got what I came for: to watch you fail!  
Want her out of detention? Post her bail!

 **Wright:**  Bail? Unlikely, in more ways than one.  
Died of a stab wound, but first, he fired his gun!  
Bullet went through the screen, the box, but not this sleeve?  
Someone switched places then, and last year, I believe.

 **Miney:** Um...like, who could that be?

 **Wright:** It was you!

 **Miney:** Like...it was me?

 **Wright:** Mimi!

 **von Karma:**  Ini Miney?

 **Wright:** No!  
Ini was Mimi Miney a year ago.

 **Miney:** Oh yeah, you think?!  
Hmph, better prove it!

 **Wright:** The driver's seat of your car should do it!  
Late nights, long hours, malpractice,  
Lost your sister, gained a revenge tactic.

 **Miney:** ...That's right. I used to be Mimi.  
Inside job, dressed up, hid in the chamber,  
Put a knife through Grey's anatomy,  
Then we blamed her.

 **Wright:** Now we have the facts we previously missed!

 **Judge:** The defendant's charges are cleared, court dismissed.

 **von Karma:** What's that about facts? [ _crack_ ]  
Are you making a crack? [ _crack_ ]  
My trials are perfect! [ _crack_ ]  
Better take that back! [ _crack_ ]  
[ _crack_ ] [ _crack_ ] [ _crack_ ] [ _crack_ ] [ _crack_ ]

 **Wright:** YEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW-

 **von Karma:** [ _CRACK_ ]

 **Wright:** ............

[Wright falls to the floor.]


	6. Franziska von Karma v. Miles Edgeworth: Bridge to the Turnabout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is supposed to be chapter 13, according to my plan. Considerably less forgiveable than skipping chapter 4.
> 
> I hope to return to posting the chapters in order...

13\. Franziska von Karma v. Miles Edgeworth: Bridge to the Turnabout

 **Wright:** The Ace Attorney is back to turn this battle about-

[Wright falls off Dusky Bridge.]

 **Godot:** ...........

 **Judge:** ...........

 **Godot:** ...Ha!  
Time for a coffee break.

[Godot leaves.]

 **Judge:** ...........  
Is there anyone out there who can begin this trial?  
Anyone?  
Anyone-

 **Edgeworth:** Hold it!  
I saved Wright before, and I'll do it again!  
Not just anyone, I'm his childhood friend!  
Got a genuine badge, cut short my vacation  
To run a Miles Edgeworth investigation!

 **von Karma:** Come at me, little bro! You're too cute!  
Watch me and learn how a real von Karma prosecutes! [ _crack_ ]

 **Judge:** Oooow!

 **von Karma:** Franziska's in the courthouse  
To drop a beating! [ _crack_ ]

 **Judge:** Oooow!

 **von Karma:** When I attack from my bench,  
Defense might as well be sleeping! [ _crack_ ]

 **Judge:** Oooow!

 **von Karma:** Over to the witness, Sister Bikini!

 **Bikini:** I saw Iris at the Inner Temple-

 **Edgeworth:** Objection!  
She never went there!

 **von Karma:** A lie!

 **Edgeworth:** A lie to have a worse alibi?

 **von Karma:** Why, Sister Bikini's protecting her!

 **Edgeworth:**  Bikini? Cover-up? That's a stretch.  
She saw the stabbing, asked for the police to be fetched!

 **Bikini:** Yes, in the courtyard, then I told Mr Wright to call the police!  
Iris was holding a sword straight through Mystic Elise!

 **von Karma:** There, it's complete!

 **Edgeworth:** Objection!  
The sword: what was it like?

 **Bikini:** Went out smoothly,  
So, flat like a knife?

 **Edgeworth** : Ergo, that weapon wasn't the Shichishito!

 **von Karma:**  Miles Edgeworth, where, then, did the other sword go?

 **Bikini:** Dropped into the river, like Mr Wright?

 **Edgeworth:** ...Alright, let's say the killer did that,  
But look at this photo: one set of tracks!

 **von Karma:** Fool, it snowed that night, of course!

 **Edgeworth:** Read the times on the weather report!

 **von Karma:** You can't trust those things to be exact!

 **Edgeworth:** No snow on the victim. Take that!  
Now for the bridge. Next witness!

 **Butz:** I was alone with my thoughts!

 **Edgeworth:** ...

 **Butz:** ...Then I bumped into Nick,  
At 10.45, when the lightning hit!

 **Edgeworth:** You make your own clocks, why can't you tell the time?!

 **Butz:** Fine!  
Something kept me occupied.  
I'm not just a writer, I'm also an artist!

[Larry presents his drawing of Dusky Bridge on fire and a flying figure.]

 **All:** ............

 **Butz:** I know, I was speechless too!

 **von Karma:** Not for the same reason as you.

 **Edgeworth:** ...What else did you see?  
We'd like to know.

 **Butz:** Iris' crystal sphere half-buried in snow!  
She waited for me there, and flew through the air-

 **Edgeworth:** We don't have to resort to fantastic events  
Like Iris waiting for Larry,  
Because the top of Deauxnim's staff is where that sphere was once carried!

 **von Karma:** The killer left it behind!

 **Edgeworth:** More like we now have more potential scenes for the crime!

 **von Karma:** Miles Edgeworth, I will not abide-

[Godot returns.]

 **All:** ............

 **Judge:** ...Prosecutor Godot, eh, we've already started-

 **Godot:** Trite getting beaten is this court's main attraction,  
Has he thrown in the towel? Who are these distractions?  
Manfred's boy genius and wild mare blood heir,  
Stop your childish squabbling and learn to share  
Your defeat! At the hands of Godot!

 **Edgeworth and von Karma:** ...No!

 **Godot:** I'm only back because my barista took a day off and  
My job here isn't to teach wunderkindergarten!  
You, Frilly, have a tea party with your little sister, Filly!  
Can't whip up anything stronger than café au lait!  
That's it, German brats, get out of my way!

 **Edgeworth:**  Godot? Who do you think you are?  
Are you a croupier? Do you make drinks at a bar?  
Robocop joined the Office while I was away?  
If that's what happens when I'm gone, I'll have to stay!

 **von Karma:** [ _crack_ ]

[Godot is too cool to react.]

 **von Karma:** Hmph!  
Only a fool would call me his little sister!  
You came back, but we're still waiting for you to battle, mister!  
I prosecuted better than you at age 13!  
What were you doing? Dreaming of coffee beans?

 **Godot:** Austin Powers, don't talk to me about clothes!  
This will end in tears. You're ready to blow your nose!  
And Filly, I don't care how many court tantrums you've had!  
Neither of you would be here if it wasn't for your dad!

 **von Karma:** You want to go there, you broken coffee machine? [ _crack_ ]

 **Edgeworth:** You bring up other people's pasts, but you won't come clean!

 **Godot:** Ha! We could go all day, but my real target's Trite,  
Shame he's not here because he took a little flight!  
Now he can't defend Iris for killing Elise Deauxnim!  
So bad at burning bridges, his former rivals cover for him!

[A spiky-haired silhouette approaches.]

 **Wright:** Hold iiiiiiiiiii-  
Achoo!

 **All:** ...

 **Wright:** ...Hold it!  
I see Godot's been waiting for me!  
If that's what you want, let's finish Act 3!

 **Godot:** ...Ha! Speak of the devil,  
Enter stage Trite.

 **Wright** : Edgeworth, pass me my badge,  
And the mic!


End file.
